Do You Know This Guy? - Applaud Women

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Do You Know This Guy?
by Emily Pietro

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As we do on most Sundays, my friends and I gathered for our recap of events that had transpired over the
weekend. Usually our talks consist of an exchange of funny things that we had overheard, terrible dancers we saw
at the local bars, or (of course) catching up on gossip; however, these usual topics took a backseat this time to
instead talking about Stephanie’s love interest, or rather, flavor of the week.

Steph had been playing ‘the game’ with this guy Rob for a few weeks now – they would meet up on the weekends,
he would send her a text message if he felt like it – basically, things were going pretty well by college standards.
The main problem that Steph encountered was that Rob was almost a phantom: we never saw him during the week.
In fact, the only time we saw him on weekends was when he was out partying with his friends.

After a lot of laughs over her interactions with this certain man, further reflection upon the subject led me to think
about the different kinds of guys that we had met over the years and how they were all so predictable. I realized that
this particular guy fell into a certain category of man, and yes, there are categories. Rob was what I like to call a
Party Boy. Like all other types of guys we have met, the Party Boy is volatile and needs to be dealt with accordingly.
Single ladies, beware of these unfortunate types of young men and avoid them if possible.

Type 1: The Party Boy
This guy might as well legally change his name to Jack Daniels; only has a personality while under the influence of
alcohol and has a tendency to abstain from contact with other humans Sunday through Thursday.

Type 2: The Commitment-Phobe
He likes you – really, he does – but he’s just not looking for anything serious right now, he just got out of a really
bad relationship…but please, don’t let that stop you from getting naked. Please.

Type 3: Mr. Intensity
A typical conversation is as follows: “Hi. My name is Will. I love you. Will you marry me? Wait, why are you running
away? YOU ARE MY DESTINY! Don’t deny our love!”

Type 4: (High) Maintenance Man
This guy uses more hair product in one week than you do in a year. He most likely owns a tanning bed, gets his
eyebrows waxed, and only wears designer duds. Let’s be honest, it’s a little weird when the guy you’re dating
sometimes looks better than you do.

Type 5: High Roller
Usually comes from money (or at least he thinks he does). He believes it’s his duty to expose you to ‘culture’ and
has no problem making you uncomfortable by making a spectacle out of you. His nose is turned up so far in the air
that if the lighting hits just right, you can see his brain.

Type 6: The Child at Heart
You decided to stop by for a surprise visit one day and you caught him sitting on the couch eating Fruity Pebbles in
Superman pajamas. To add insult to injury, he was watching Spongebob Squarepants…and enjoying it.

Type 7: Mr. Overscheduled
You’re his number one girl, but…he’s a little busy right now. He can, however, schedule you in for a date next year.
He’s got his BlackBerry glued to his hand at all times, so he’ll BBM you if something comes up, and something
probably will.

Now this is by no means a comprehensive representation of the types of men available for our selection – there are
definitely some great ones out there – but these are the ones that should not stay in your life past the point of
introduction. There is one great thing about these types, though: they make for a hell of a story.