| Self Worth By Christa Ryan |
Self-worth comes from one thing — thinking that you are worthy. To feel worthy of ones-self is to dare to dream your dreams and set aspirations,
and to achieve your private goals. That truly indeed, only you hold the ability to achieve and grasp what is your given birthright of pursuing what
makes you feel the most comfortable; to achieve your sense of inner happiness and joy. Our sense of self-worth is the key to being able to
appreciate what factors in our life bring fulfillment.
Little did I realize when I sold off my career of 35 years and my beautiful Home in the Hamptons, almost 2 years ago, I would be thrown into the
crisis of asking ‘who am I?’ What is my self-worth now that I have sold off what I had come to suspect was my identity of who and what I thought I
was? It’s always a crisis that sends me into a state of soul-searching for the proper perspective which helps me feel right with myself and the
universe.
I believe a lack of self-worth affects many of us and literally inhibits us from finding our authentic self. We do not realize the damage done so often
in childhood. Every word, facial expression, gesture, or action on the part of the parent gives the child some message about his or her self-worth.
Now, as a parent, it hits home to my heart what messages we are and aren’t sending to our children. One of the biggest dilemmas that arise out
of not getting the right messages across to our children is in their ability to cope with problems. Problems are not the problem; coping is the
problem. Coping is the outcome of our ability to measure our self-worth, rules of the family systems, and links to the outside world.
It doesn’t matter whether you face something that affects your work, your personal relationships or family; your sense of security, your appraisal
of self-worth, or your appearance - the way you think about it; your problem largely determines whether you will do anything about it and what you
will do. Most of us trudge through life worrying about what the world thinks about us. How most of our sense of wellbeing and self-worth is based
on what others have told us. We find our enslavement early in life when we base who we are and what we are according to what people think
around us. When we start to believe others rather than our own hearts, we start to abandon ourselves and the spiritual growth of who we are to
ourselves. Only when we unconditionally love ourselves does it give us the ability to be able to love others.
The tragedy I believe is so many people look for self-confidence and self-respect everywhere except within themselves, so they continually fall
short of being able to believe strongly in what they were meant to be doing with their life to pursue their passions. We allow other people’s
opinions to become our reality. When we look outside of ourselves to find out who we are, to define who we are and to give us our own feeling of
self-worth, we are setting the stage to becoming the victim. Never allow yourself to become the victim. Accept no one’s definition of who they think
you are. The way we treat ourselves sets the standard for the way we allow people to treat us. We teach people how to treat us by the way we
treat ourselves. We have to learn how to accept ourselves 100% or we will start to have regrets about what we never fulfilled within ourselves.
After removing myself from a six-digit income, a three acre home with a pool, and a lot amenities of frills that spoke to me of what I liked, not what I
had become, I knew I was on the right track. What I had become was soul-sick to a side of myself that would never blossom if I had allowed myself
to hold onto the material possessions that brought me my quick fixes of the instant Happiness as opposed to the everlasting Joy of true
contentment within myself. I had started to become who I was working for and had started to loathe that part of myself that I had developed into.
No matter how great it had looked on the outside, I only had to match it to what I was feeling on the inside and the two didn’t equal the feeling of
oneness within me. Change was inevitable. Who I was to myself slowly started to set the groundwork of whether or not I had the courage to
become the woman I had abandoned so long ago.
From Silent Screams from the Hamptons Chapter 12
Lesson #:3 Forgive but Don’t Forget
What I had observed through my work with the rich and famous was that money could not buy happiness or health. It couldn’t keep loved ones
from dying of cancer, unexpected tragedies from happening, or marriages together. Money could not solve all problems. People could try every
new fad under the sun in an attempt to make themselves whole, but the end result was generally the same. No matter how big the diamond or
how lovely the new clothes, materialism could not fill the emptiness that so many people experienced. This was the loud lament that echoed
throughout the Hamptons. Wealth and arrogance allowed people to show a false sense of happiness, but a huge void lay underneath it all.
Christa Jan Ryan was born into a chaotic family enduring alcoholism, drug overdoses, and violence. The youngest of six children, three of her
sisters are triplets, all born with Cerebral Palsy. She has been a professional landscape designer and consultant to the rich and famous of the
Hamptons for the last thirty years. Following her heartwarming first book, From the Depths of a Woman’s Soul, Ryan is writing her third and fourth
books with a renewed sense of purpose. She now lives in the Berkshires of Western Massachusetts, while pursuing her film adaptation of Silent
Screams and play production, which she hopes to make a musical.
and to achieve your private goals. That truly indeed, only you hold the ability to achieve and grasp what is your given birthright of pursuing what
makes you feel the most comfortable; to achieve your sense of inner happiness and joy. Our sense of self-worth is the key to being able to
appreciate what factors in our life bring fulfillment.
Little did I realize when I sold off my career of 35 years and my beautiful Home in the Hamptons, almost 2 years ago, I would be thrown into the
crisis of asking ‘who am I?’ What is my self-worth now that I have sold off what I had come to suspect was my identity of who and what I thought I
was? It’s always a crisis that sends me into a state of soul-searching for the proper perspective which helps me feel right with myself and the
universe.
I believe a lack of self-worth affects many of us and literally inhibits us from finding our authentic self. We do not realize the damage done so often
in childhood. Every word, facial expression, gesture, or action on the part of the parent gives the child some message about his or her self-worth.
Now, as a parent, it hits home to my heart what messages we are and aren’t sending to our children. One of the biggest dilemmas that arise out
of not getting the right messages across to our children is in their ability to cope with problems. Problems are not the problem; coping is the
problem. Coping is the outcome of our ability to measure our self-worth, rules of the family systems, and links to the outside world.
It doesn’t matter whether you face something that affects your work, your personal relationships or family; your sense of security, your appraisal
of self-worth, or your appearance - the way you think about it; your problem largely determines whether you will do anything about it and what you
will do. Most of us trudge through life worrying about what the world thinks about us. How most of our sense of wellbeing and self-worth is based
on what others have told us. We find our enslavement early in life when we base who we are and what we are according to what people think
around us. When we start to believe others rather than our own hearts, we start to abandon ourselves and the spiritual growth of who we are to
ourselves. Only when we unconditionally love ourselves does it give us the ability to be able to love others.
The tragedy I believe is so many people look for self-confidence and self-respect everywhere except within themselves, so they continually fall
short of being able to believe strongly in what they were meant to be doing with their life to pursue their passions. We allow other people’s
opinions to become our reality. When we look outside of ourselves to find out who we are, to define who we are and to give us our own feeling of
self-worth, we are setting the stage to becoming the victim. Never allow yourself to become the victim. Accept no one’s definition of who they think
you are. The way we treat ourselves sets the standard for the way we allow people to treat us. We teach people how to treat us by the way we
treat ourselves. We have to learn how to accept ourselves 100% or we will start to have regrets about what we never fulfilled within ourselves.
After removing myself from a six-digit income, a three acre home with a pool, and a lot amenities of frills that spoke to me of what I liked, not what I
had become, I knew I was on the right track. What I had become was soul-sick to a side of myself that would never blossom if I had allowed myself
to hold onto the material possessions that brought me my quick fixes of the instant Happiness as opposed to the everlasting Joy of true
contentment within myself. I had started to become who I was working for and had started to loathe that part of myself that I had developed into.
No matter how great it had looked on the outside, I only had to match it to what I was feeling on the inside and the two didn’t equal the feeling of
oneness within me. Change was inevitable. Who I was to myself slowly started to set the groundwork of whether or not I had the courage to
become the woman I had abandoned so long ago.
From Silent Screams from the Hamptons Chapter 12
Lesson #:3 Forgive but Don’t Forget
What I had observed through my work with the rich and famous was that money could not buy happiness or health. It couldn’t keep loved ones
from dying of cancer, unexpected tragedies from happening, or marriages together. Money could not solve all problems. People could try every
new fad under the sun in an attempt to make themselves whole, but the end result was generally the same. No matter how big the diamond or
how lovely the new clothes, materialism could not fill the emptiness that so many people experienced. This was the loud lament that echoed
throughout the Hamptons. Wealth and arrogance allowed people to show a false sense of happiness, but a huge void lay underneath it all.
Christa Jan Ryan was born into a chaotic family enduring alcoholism, drug overdoses, and violence. The youngest of six children, three of her
sisters are triplets, all born with Cerebral Palsy. She has been a professional landscape designer and consultant to the rich and famous of the
Hamptons for the last thirty years. Following her heartwarming first book, From the Depths of a Woman’s Soul, Ryan is writing her third and fourth
books with a renewed sense of purpose. She now lives in the Berkshires of Western Massachusetts, while pursuing her film adaptation of Silent
Screams and play production, which she hopes to make a musical.
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applaud local women. The core of the magazine is our inspirational women's articles, most of which feature local women but occasionally we are
able to interview national women who we feel provide a unique inspiration for our readers. Our other articles cover topics of interest such as food
recipes, home, garden, beauty, health, fashion, dating, parenting, seniors, finance, business, hair care, skin care, advice, real estate, insurance,
weddings etc. Each issue has a feature section as well. Many of our articles are written by local business people who provide information
relevant to their business expertise. The Applaud Women website is also a resource center for local women including the most comprehensive
listings of Restaurants, Weddings, Female doctors and Hotels. It also includes a number of informational pages with links, articles and RSS feeds
to both local and national websites of interest to women in NH & n. MA.
applaud local women. The core of the magazine is our inspirational women's articles, most of which feature local women but occasionally we are
able to interview national women who we feel provide a unique inspiration for our readers. Our other articles cover topics of interest such as food
recipes, home, garden, beauty, health, fashion, dating, parenting, seniors, finance, business, hair care, skin care, advice, real estate, insurance,
weddings etc. Each issue has a feature section as well. Many of our articles are written by local business people who provide information
relevant to their business expertise. The Applaud Women website is also a resource center for local women including the most comprehensive
listings of Restaurants, Weddings, Female doctors and Hotels. It also includes a number of informational pages with links, articles and RSS feeds
to both local and national websites of interest to women in NH & n. MA.
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