| When Elderly Parents Move In – Handling the Stress. By Marcia F. Nicoll, M.Ed. |
New census data shows a record number of elderly parents are now living with their adult children. Some of the reasons for this surge are
higher housing costs, the economy, and the high price of medical care. Compared to the year 2000 when 2.3 million elderly parents were
living with their children; 2007 showed the number had increased to 3.6 million.
Role reversal is difficult for our parents, as well as the adult child. It is an emotional time watching our aging parents lose their
independence and adjust to a new living situation. It can create a very stressful environment when we see our independent parents become
dependent. The role reversal can be a slow process; or can occur quite suddenly.
Becoming adept in learning about our elderly parent’s desires can be a challenge within itself. Respect, acquiring good communication and
listening skills are of utmost importance. Respecting our elderly parent’s decisions and needs is one of the best things an adult child can do
to maintain a healthy life style for the parent. Listening carefully and learning about their wants requires strong life skills.
Coping skills:
Discuss the routines of your household in advance of their moving in. Parents are accustomed to being independent – so you both have a
huge adjustment to this new life style. Be flexible with both your own and parent’s space.
Create an environment of mutual respect. Family dynamics are going to change – work with healthy parameters for all involved.
Talk about the economic issues before they move in. Money is always a sensitive subject, but obviously a very important one. Be honest
with all of those involved – including siblings.
It is very important that parents become an integral part of the home environment and feel that they are contributing to the daily as well as
long term plans of running a household.
Children are a huge factor in this equation. Make sure they take part in the discussions before grandparents move in and after.
Taking care of parents can take a great deal of time and energy – be good to yourself!
A very important key is to create quality time for you and your family.
Experts report adults coping with an elderly parent struggles with a range of emotions. Even a healthy relationship doesn’t prevent mixed
feelings such as anger, guilt, resentment and unresolved family issues. Be aware of your feelings!
Arrange for outside help when your responsibilities appear to be more than you can cope with.
I feel seeking the help of a counselor is well worth the investment. It is very beneficial to talk about concerns and issues when an elderly
parent comes to live with you; as well as exploring new life skills and adopting effective behaviors. It might take just a couple of sessions to
give you tools towards a healthier living environment.
Marcia F. Nicoll, M.Ed. in Counseling and Certification in Life Skills Coaching, has a background which includes twenty plus years in a
corporate business environment, continued personal and professional development, and work in a mental health setting. Her private
practice in Exeter, NH provides support, training, and tools to help individuals reach their personal and professional potential. She can be
reached at Transitions – 603 778 8200 and www.lifecoachandcounselor.com.
higher housing costs, the economy, and the high price of medical care. Compared to the year 2000 when 2.3 million elderly parents were
living with their children; 2007 showed the number had increased to 3.6 million.
Role reversal is difficult for our parents, as well as the adult child. It is an emotional time watching our aging parents lose their
independence and adjust to a new living situation. It can create a very stressful environment when we see our independent parents become
dependent. The role reversal can be a slow process; or can occur quite suddenly.
Becoming adept in learning about our elderly parent’s desires can be a challenge within itself. Respect, acquiring good communication and
listening skills are of utmost importance. Respecting our elderly parent’s decisions and needs is one of the best things an adult child can do
to maintain a healthy life style for the parent. Listening carefully and learning about their wants requires strong life skills.
Coping skills:
Discuss the routines of your household in advance of their moving in. Parents are accustomed to being independent – so you both have a
huge adjustment to this new life style. Be flexible with both your own and parent’s space.
Create an environment of mutual respect. Family dynamics are going to change – work with healthy parameters for all involved.
Talk about the economic issues before they move in. Money is always a sensitive subject, but obviously a very important one. Be honest
with all of those involved – including siblings.
It is very important that parents become an integral part of the home environment and feel that they are contributing to the daily as well as
long term plans of running a household.
Children are a huge factor in this equation. Make sure they take part in the discussions before grandparents move in and after.
Taking care of parents can take a great deal of time and energy – be good to yourself!
A very important key is to create quality time for you and your family.
Experts report adults coping with an elderly parent struggles with a range of emotions. Even a healthy relationship doesn’t prevent mixed
feelings such as anger, guilt, resentment and unresolved family issues. Be aware of your feelings!
Arrange for outside help when your responsibilities appear to be more than you can cope with.
I feel seeking the help of a counselor is well worth the investment. It is very beneficial to talk about concerns and issues when an elderly
parent comes to live with you; as well as exploring new life skills and adopting effective behaviors. It might take just a couple of sessions to
give you tools towards a healthier living environment.
Marcia F. Nicoll, M.Ed. in Counseling and Certification in Life Skills Coaching, has a background which includes twenty plus years in a
corporate business environment, continued personal and professional development, and work in a mental health setting. Her private
practice in Exeter, NH provides support, training, and tools to help individuals reach their personal and professional potential. She can be
reached at Transitions – 603 778 8200 and www.lifecoachandcounselor.com.
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listings of Restaurants, Weddings, Female doctors and Hotels. It also includes a number of informational pages with links, articles and RSS feeds
to both local and national websites of interest to women in NH & n. MA.
applaud local women. The core of the magazine is our inspirational women's articles, most of which feature local women but occasionally we are
able to interview national women who we feel provide a unique inspiration for our readers. Our other articles cover topics of interest such as food
recipes, home, garden, beauty, health, fashion, dating, parenting, seniors, finance, business, hair care, skin care, advice, real estate, insurance,
weddings etc. Each issue has a feature section as well. Many of our articles are written by local business people who provide information
relevant to their business expertise. The Applaud Women website is also a resource center for local women including the most comprehensive
listings of Restaurants, Weddings, Female doctors and Hotels. It also includes a number of informational pages with links, articles and RSS feeds
to both local and national websites of interest to women in NH & n. MA.
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